Man Sues Satoshi Nakamoto, Bitcoin, and Possibly the Ghost of Blockchain Money
In what may be the strangest “finders keepers” case since someone found a sandwich in a taxi and declared themselves Mayor of Ham, an anonymous plaintiff known as “Noah Doe” is trying to claim legal ownership
In what may be the strangest “finders keepers” case since someone found a sandwich in a taxi and declared themselves Mayor of Ham, an anonymous plaintiff known as “Noah Doe” is trying to claim legal ownership of thousands of dormant Bitcoin wallets — including coins believed to be linked to Bitcoin’s mysterious creator, Satoshi Nakamoto.
According to reports, Noah Doe and two unnamed Wyoming companies have asked a New York court to declare them the rightful owners of 39,069 Bitcoin addresses. Their argument is simple, bold, and just weird enough to deserve its own courtroom soundtrack: the wallets have been quiet for years, so they must be “abandoned property.”
The plaintiffs reportedly say they identified the wallets using an algorithm, handed lists of addresses to police on USB drives, and even sent notices on the Bitcoin blockchain itself using OP_RETURN messages. In other words, they tried to serve legal papers to a bunch of digital wallets, which is a bit like shouting “you’ve been sued” into a vending machine and hoping the crisps lawyer up.
The prize? A mountain of Bitcoin said to be worth hundreds of billions of dollars. The catch? Even if the court somehow agrees, Noah Doe still would not have the private keys. So he may win a legal paper saying “congratulations, this invisible treasure is yours,” while still being unable to move a single coin.
Bitcoin fans are watching closely, partly because of the size of the claim and partly because suing Satoshi is like suing Bigfoot: everyone has heard of him, nobody can find him, and the defendant is extremely unlikely to show up in court wearing a tie.
But this is not the first time. Previously, an Australian computer scientist Craig Wright long claimed to be Satoshi Nakamoto, but a UK court ruled in 2024 that he was not the creator of Bitcoin. It was one of crypto’s biggest courtroom identity dramas — essentially a very expensive episode of “Who Do You Think You Are?” but with more hash functions. James Howells, from Newport, Wales, spent years trying to recover a hard drive he says contains access to a Bitcoin fortune accidentally thrown into a landfill. He sued Newport City Council after being denied permission to dig it up, but the High Court dismissed the claim. Somewhere in Wales, a rubbish heap remains the world’s most disappointing treasure chest.
Crypto has given the world meme coins, monkey JPEGs, and millionaires who explain finance using laser eyes. But suing Satoshi for “abandoned” Bitcoin may be the weirdest twist yet.
The case asks a serious legal question: can old blockchain addresses be treated like lost property? But it also raises an even more important question: if Satoshi does appear in court, will he accept legal service by USB stick, blockchain message, or carrier pigeon with a hardware wallet?
Related Stories
The Weird News Network © 2024
The Weird News Network brings you the latest interesting news with a weird twist!
Subscribe to Wierd News Network
Get the latest Weird News direct to your inbox including exclusive contents
We care about your data in our privacy policy.
